Friday, July 11, 2008

Changing Courses

I will have to go into art full-time at some point. It's an itch I have to scratch.

I won't deny that the prospect of doing it full-time scares me. It scares the shit out of me.

Currently, I work one full-time administrative job, a Saturday job at the fine arts library and finally, my art/writing (which I sometimes get paid for). Needless to say, I get to pack away enough dosh and still have time for art.

However, doing this ambitious exhibition with Sharon has made me realize that my day job is eating way too much of my time. I was making art during my lunch hours, rushing home to do more, sleeping past midnight and showing up at work like a grizzly bear.

But surprise surprise, I do love my corporate job. Despite the stress, I masochistically enjoy the boiler-room environment of facilitating million-dollar deals where every minute counts. I love going to a social environment everyday, where the small talk irritates but everyone acknowledges they're in the same dreary ship together.

I love the work ethic, too. There are some things I wish more artists learnt from the corporate world, such as getting organized. In my office, if you ask for something to be done, it gets done immediately. Like, yesterday. You know, artists should really learn about the 2-minute rule: if (something crops up and) you can do it within 2 minutes, just do it now.

I've taken a page from the lawyers and started billing my time, too. That means whenever I research, sketch, make phone calls relating to art, I can call it 'werk'. I draw up timesheets with billable units.

Yes, I have learned so much from my corporate job. Is it time to end it? I am not 100% sure yet. Certain sacrifices will have to be made if I quit...

And yet, my deepest heart's desire is to sit down at a desk, near a window, maybe at a cafe, and write, sketch, write...

I have heard Bob Dylan say about destiny, "It's a feeling you have that you know something about yourself nobody else does. The picture you have in your mind of what you're about will come true. It's kinduva thing you kinda have to keep to your own self because it's a fragile feeling and if you put it out there, someone'll kill it, so it's best to keep that all inside."

If Bob can believe in that, I can too...

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